Got Buttermilk?

I drank buttermilk as a kid because my Dad drank it.  And I liked it.  And I've been very disappointed for decades that they don't make buttermilk like they did when I was a kid...but!...I learned how to make it myself!  Hee, hee, hee.  And I may never (or at least hardly ever) need to buy buttermilk again.

But first, a litttle Buttermilk 101.  A long time ago, when cream was actually churned on the family farm, buttermilk was the thin liquid that was left after the butter was taken away.  Doctors suggested its use for various conditions because it was easier to digest than the regular milk of the day, being sans-fat.

The buttermilk we drink today is cultured, meaning fermented.  I have no idea why it is still called buttermilk, because it has nothing to do with butter.  It is the result of introducing special bacteria to milk, which convert the sugars to lac-something, producing a tangy, creamy, alluring dairy drink.

Skeptical?  The Masai lived on fermented milk and cows' blood.  Surely there must be something to it.

Any route, I digress.  Here is how to own your personal micro-buttermilkery:

You start by buying a quart of cultured buttermilk and a gallon of regular milk.  I have found that whole milk tastes like my childhood memories.  You may use reduced fat milk, but it won't be as tasty.

Wash and save the milk containers after you use them, so you have something to put the new buttermilk into.

The cultured buttermilk acts as a starter because it still has active bacteria in it.  Mix the store-bought buttermilk with the regular milk at a 1 to 4 ratio.  This means you'll be working with five quarts, which is one gallon plus a quart.  You'll notice that I've poured the store-bought buttermilk into two containers:  a gallon jar and a quart jar.

         Here the jars are, all filled and ready to spend some quiet fermenting time.

I place the jars under the overhanging counter and cover them with a towel to keep the light out.  The bacteria are industrious and 'clabber' the milk in a day or less.

Transfer the clabbered milk from the jars after a day (note the lovely stuff stuck to the sides) into the original milk cartons, and then refrigerate. 

You'll eventually drink the gallon container empty, but you will reserve the quart to make another batch of buttermilk.  Yes!  It is like sour dough starter!  You can keep going with your original mess of self-perpetuating bacteria, and may never need to buy store-bought buttermilk again.   Ohhhh, that by itself is quite satisfying, but it gets better.

This is the BETTER!  YOWZAH!!  It is the nectar of the bovines.  It is ambrosia to those of us who are fortunate enough to appreciate its silken seduction.  I adore it with salt and pepper, which I apply two or three times as the level in the glass drops.
You may drink it within a day of bottling, but it does get better and better if you can wait a few more days.  Don't worry about spoilage because the acidity in the buttermilk is a lengthening preservative.

And now it is done.  I must wait for another breakfast or another dinner to taste the delight of my beautiful buttermilk.
 
A note:  I am lactose-intolerant, but can indulge this giddy vice because I take Lactaid right before a glass of my NBD (new best drink).  So can you, if you are among the chosen who relish buttermilk.  The rest of you will never understand.  Poor you.  Pour me.