By Not a perfect Grampa, me. I love them all dearly, and would give my life for them, but I have a code regarding my grandchildren that is not selfless: I will never, ever change another diaper, and I don't want to hold them until they can be trusted to keep their lunch down.
Oh, look, mothers and grandmothers across America are reacting. Their eyes are hardening into compassionless slits. Their jaw muscles are clinched. They have pitch forks and tire irons in their capable, avenging hands. This sexist heresy will be dealt with!
Luckily for me, mine own family accepts my weaknesses, and the rest of the female population doesn't know where I live.
Babies are welcome, at a distance, in my world. I pat the little people, and say soothing words to them. I just don't want them to urp on me. Once they get beyond the up-chucking, I am positively supportive and loving. We hug and kiss and go for walks and read books and nap together. They gleefully greet me with, "Grampa!", and then I readily make a fool of myself with them.
This all came to mind last night when Michele and I were babysitting Alex & Michelle's girls at their house. Lily, the enfant urpible, was being fussy with Gramma (Michele). Michaela and Carrie (the older sisters) and I interacted wonderfully. We played Wii (they beat me mercilessly). I read to them (including various voices which impressed my young audience). Finally, I helped tuck them into their new bunkbed. Lily also went to bed.
Michele and I settled on the couch and began surfing the cable stations. Then Lily, typically, hollered and ended up back in the TV room with us. Gramma got a bottle, got a binkie, got a teething toy, and worked with the itty-bitty baby. Then Gramma had to leave the room, so she propped Lily in a sitting position beside my hip. Parenting habit kicked in, and I put my arm around the baby. Lily grabbed my thumb in her tiny hand. I wiggled my thumb, as my ancestors back to the knuckle-draggers have instinctively done.
Lily and I were content. She watched unrecognizable shapes on the TV. I watched Victor Borge performing his phonetic punctuation schtick. Maybe I had been wrong about these little beings. This wasn't so bad.
Michele came back and laid Lily down on the couch beside me, then changed her (Lily's) diaper. It wasn't a BM, so, again, not so bad.
"I'll be right back," Michele said, and left the room with Lily still laying beside me.
Thankfully, Michele came back just in time to see Lily burst a great glop of syrupy white out of her mouth. It was as fast and unexpected as a bird hitting the window. It ran down her cheek, stained the couch and proved my theory.
Trust me, Lily, I love you. Someday we'll have a wonderful and close relationship. Ask your sisters. Oh, wait...when you are old enough to ask them you'll alreay know.
THIS IS GRANDMA SPEAKING: I really should have known better than to put a 4 month old on the sofa without her birp cloth under her head. I had protected the sofa when I changed her, so I don't know why I erred on the other end. Me leaving the room was to tend to the other two grandchildren, who needed a thing or two before going to sleep exceeding well! And, where was Grandpa during all that. His job was done! And, no harm to the sofa, due to me cleaning it. Grandpa and Mr. Borge were deep into punctuation...
See, if Grandpa was holding me I could have urped on his clothes which could have easily been thrown in the wash! But it was rather fun watching Grandma clean up the couch and hearing older sis Michaela asking if Mom should be called :) Thanks for watching us guys!! We had lots of fun!!!
Hahahaha! No, I do not judge thee. As far as I'm concerned, all of the un-pleasantries with children should not be put upon Grandparents. However, if Grandparents are enjoying their grandchildren alone, then all of the unpleasant duties must be reallocated. And as far as I'm concerned, since Grandpas are usually the entertaining portion of the program, most Grandmas are perfectly happy doing the "glucky" duties.